sher,in action

2011-04-08T13:35:00.002+08:00

sometimes i'm wondering what going thru in us... should i? or should i not?

2009-06-29T00:14:00.002+08:00

Today, me and Baybee went to pay our first cash payment at the asile boutique $1700!.
a big sum thou.. before this day, we had a bigg quarrel, i didnt thought he could be to harsh towards me. and i public, my impression of him from the start is totally ruin.. why has he became like this after he came back from his reservice.
i'm sad..so devasted. and now crying in sorrow

2006-12-02T20:13:00.000+08:00

love is a commitment. not a feeling. like is what you call a feeling. when you have feelings for that special someone, you like him, not love. when the feelings fade and you no longer experience the fuzz and butterflies..yet you go on caring for him, perhaps that's when love comes into the picture. love is when you commit yourself to him.you first like a person, before you try to love him. so it starts with a feeling, and continues with a commitment.but, feelings can be so complicating and hard to phantom. at least it is the case for my feelings.no matter how things change, some things will always remain unchanged

2006-12-02T19:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes LIFE just seems so tiring right? Having to go through each day with thoughts revolving around in your head. Somethings made life too much a burden to carry. Some people just get on my nerves. I am not saying I don't am perfect here alright. It's just that the people whom you thought were closest to you tend to let you down most. People whom you thought you had understood most just seem to change overnight. Be it better or worse. Maybe I am just not receptive to changes. I just cannot accept or come to terms with the way some acts. It's just not the people whom you know anymore. The feeling is different. It feels as if you are so close yet so far away from them. You yearn to talk to them. To sustain this shaky relation. But hey,it takes two hands to clap right? What more can one do when they are left out? Everyone has their own pride. You can't expect one to always swallow their pride and tag along behind. Tell me what's the purpose of having friends if one has to go through all this. It isn't fun at all to be left out. I assure you that you will not want to find yourself in the same shoes. And I can tell you this for sure, the feeling is undesirable. It feels as if you have sink into darkness all of a sudden; void of understanding and so on. One might not know that his gestures had just hurt someone unknowingly. The pain does not cause a scar physically. It is inflicted deep down inside where one is the most vulnerable. The bonds between people are so abstract ... so easily broken and trampled over. How amazing it is. The thing that actually does not exist physically actually can affect us so much. Isn't it unusual? Trust between friends is misplaced. Respect all lost. Promises stand no more. Mutual understanding is all forgotten. It makes one shudder just to think about that. Its just depressing to think that the day will come that best friends yesterday are of no more. I am trying to figure out this thing. Frankly speaking I feel that the problem isn't that complex. Trash things out and be done with it. However, it will have to be done candidly. Don't want to look back on my life with regrets ; Regrets that I lost something just because of my ego. That's why I always don't find it necessary to get fired up over minor matters with people. You can say that I am laid back with not a care in the world. Who cares? What matters is that you know that whatever happens in the future, you will look back with a smile. A smile that holds meaning beyond words.

2006-06-25T16:18:00.000+08:00

learn to be contented.

2006-06-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

I meant to blog last night, don't want to get my hopes too high though, it's worst to feel disappointed... when I actually mean what I say, and I probably would have typed with more passion, but I was just too tired, emotionally, physically to do anything other than have a relatively quiet night and go to bed.

now, go to bed..

2006-06-22T21:05:00.000+08:00

pride is at once the most powerful and most dangerous weapon a person can ever have. i struggle with it, we all do.

if i ever matter so much to u, would u even care if i was gone? it has struck me that the reason why i fought not to miss u. even if i dont stand chance. get this straight, i dont care what you take away from me anymore, because i dont need your presence.
im not gonna be amazing, but at least, hopefully, decent enough to run away from class after bullying him =) and i realized, that when i'm are running, those muscles that burn when you are walking stop hurting, thats the solution eh.

2006-06-20T00:58:00.000+08:00

shalala....

juz accompanied him fer dinner. =))
heehe. i know it's just a dinner lah.
But.. ok, i am contented. his smile. awesome.
oh well i really wish life is always happy.
like ALWAYS HAPPY.
we have to be aware that not all that is happening is what it seems to be.

2006-06-19T18:15:00.000+08:00

some days i feel like shit.
A break up is not about winning or losing, it has no victors.
It does not mean if you are the one who initiated a break up, you are the winner.

When your partner initiates a break up with you, you may beg your partner to give the relationship a second chance. I assure you that such pleadings only result in your partner losing much respect for you. When your boyfriend/girlfriend ends a relationship with you, the person is actually doing you a "favour" unknowingly.

So if your boyfriend/girlfriend decides to end a relationship with you, he/she is allowing you to move on to find a more suitable partner. If your partner is not even motivated to be with you, then dating him/her will be meaningless, full of obligations and a waste of time.You may have felt that your ex-partner was the right person for you. We tend to think our current partner is the one for us. But how can your ex-partner who initiated the break up be the right person for you if he/she has no interest in loving you? Breaking up allows you to find someone who fits you better. A Break up is NOT the end of the world.

"A break up is one step closer to finding your eventual partner that God has reserved for you"

2006-06-17T13:14:00.000+08:00

i had a nice afternooon run.
i had a nice chat wif u last night.
in fact the longest so far.
i wished i could tell somebody.
how it aches.
so hurtful it numbs.
when i looked to my side.
i see your face.
when i take on a journey in which many might not have been supportive of, every inches i move, it's all my will. the sands that caught up in my eyes, the soil that sticks to my shoe. that dragged me along as the wind go against as i head towards somewhere nobody else's would have gone. see people reaching there, yet i feel all alone. needed that much effort before i can reach there just like the others. where have the others gone? they'd turned and retreated. some, they reached. others, they backed. here i am, taking the journey where i know there's no return. in fact, i don't want to return. for i have seen, what others couldn't. for i have felt, what others failed to feel. i know where i'm going. but alone.

for it didn't matter.
if mine was torn apart.
the hold was tight.
my faith was strong.
that singular action.
altered the very course of life..
inevitably brokened many, many pieces of love.
i'd forgotten what pain felt.
no longer see silence was peace.
because it no longer matters
if hope was bleak.
when i turn back to see love. it never exist.

hey the one. are you reading this? heh. that's good. coz i've been waiting for you. where have you been all these while?! it hadn't been good having to be alone fer 3 years and to wake up everyday, hoping you'll appear.how have you been? feeling the same as me? you have been looking for me? sigh, i've been waiting for you.hold my hand can? yea, it feels right. you feel like safe right? heh. me too. no, i'm not gonna let you go. i will take care of you for the rest of your life.

hmm. so you like britney spears?
silence.what about boA? ring.oh fuck.
don't tell me i'm dreaming. fuck. i am dreaming!

ugh.fuck.

2006-06-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

i can close my eyes to things that i dont wanna see, but i cant close my heart to things i dont wanna feel.
i'm glad i saw u last night, to see you smile again. hope u like the shirt thou.

went to school.went to work. slept. lol. sat in the car, fell asleep every 5 mins? haha. o well. forgive me.

I WANT TO MARRY YOU.
don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without.?
how sweet. how true. but when we really sit back and look around us.
probably not many of us are lucky enough to do that.
we are, in fact, the most intelligent species on earth.
apparantly, we may be weak physically, but our intellectual capabilities far exceeds anything on earth.
our mental potential is so much wider that it may very well sum up to the extent of unlimitless.

are you sure you can live without someone? blah that's nonsense in our generation mister.
we can't live without ourselves.
now the quote: "marry someone you can live with" is much more appropriate isn't it?
sadly, we go through phases of life. the mainstream flows like this, primary school, secondary school, junior college/poly, university, work, work, work, work, work, work, retirement, work, dead.
every time we enter a new phase, our life changes. people around us changes. we no longer proceed in the same direction.
so sad, but true. the very nature that kept us so close together has forced us apart.
we're best friends in history.
i fucking hate the mainstream. that's why. call me an idiot or snoy. whatever you want to call me. call me a kid who refuses to grow up. Thank God for some amazing people that have crossed paths with me.

fine. i hate life. i hate the stupid procedures of a fucking life. it's stupid. plainly idiotic or snoyical. fuck man. life sucks. ughhh.i'm just complaining. bahhhh. i hate ppl with humongous ego. fcuk.

2006-06-14T23:28:00.000+08:00

It is a common thing for many to play pretend.
Most people fake ignorance for a simple reason; they cannot face reality and they need to escape from it.
It is like the frog in the well analogy.
They only look from that fixed scope of life.
Nothing more because they refused to come out of it.
They refused to accept that there is something bigger than that.
A life much bigger than them.We all view life based on our experiences but how fair can it be?
We have not seen everything. In fact, we will never be able to go through EVERYTHING in life.
It is like playing a game of choices. You are given 2 choices in the first stage.
After you have made your choice, you might never be able to come across the choice that you have forsakened for the one you chose in the subsequent stages.
It is only fair for us to leave room for doubt.
We should give each and every thing the liberty to be something we have not came across.
It is only fair that we resist judging.
That is when we can truly see a person for the person he really is or a thing for a thing it really is.
The state of confusion only happens when we refuse to accept the person or thing just because we do not understand the rational or even simply for what it really is.
We cannot say something or someone is crazy just because we do not understand the theory behind it.
Most of the time people quarrel because they do not understand what each other is trying to say.
Each individual is trying to make the other understand his point but we often forget that listening and understanding each other is equally important for us to have effective communication.

There is no clear definition to many issues in life. Let us be liberal and give the benefit of the doubt to many incidents that will occur in our life. Probably by doing so, we can expect a much fuller understanding of life without having to force it to flow in our desired way of life.

2006-06-12T17:49:00.000+08:00

you know that someone loves you when the person is willing to die for you

Why do relationships crumble ?
I'v been in two serious committed relationships and both fell apart quite dramatically. I realise my experiences turned out empty handed and very painful. I understand many couples say "I love you" very frequently to each other(I'm guilty of this too). Some even make lifetime commitment vows to each other. How often do such promises last the test of time ? I wish they really endure, then we'll have less break ups and divorce cases. I have learnt that relationships fall apart when two people refuse to love each other Sacrificially. Selfish behaviour constantly destroy the unity of a couple because intimacy and passionate love cannot thrive with immaturity or a lack of character. Wisdom and Romance must run parallel in a relationship for it to be God glorifying and Passionate. Some say "Love is blinding". Love should never be blinding.
Many a times, we choose who we want to date or hang out with based on outward attractions or for our own benefits. Sad to say, such relationships often come out empty-handed and painful like the ones I'v been through. I am not saying that exterior beauty is not important. It is a bonus.
However, the problem with dating based mainly on outward attributes is that it does not reveal to us the complete picture of a person. The outward attributes of a person is merely just the tip of the ice berg. Outward attractiveness will not be able to help us indicate whether the person is mature enough to love Unselfishly.The characteristics of a selfish partner.Partners who rely too much on their own outward attractiveness usually lack the ability to consider the needs of their partners. They tend to become so self-absorbed that to them, sacrifice means that their partner should give in to their wishes. This kind of attitude will ultimately cause a relationship to fall apart.
Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.
Charm and Beauty cannot hold a couple together during tough times. Only Sacrificial Love for each other can hold a couple together.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last.

If you are dating based on exterior attributes alone, very likely you are setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. I setted myself up twice to know I don't want it happening to me again. God created Eve for Adam, likewise, I'm sure God has already created that special someone for you! In God's perfect timing will you find him/her. Very likely, that person will love you sacrificially. =))

i'm still waiting fer my right one thou. =))
btw,i had a great time over at pattaya.. my edhardy cap nearly flew off! and i left my versace leather belt on the rest bench, thank fully this kind soul shouted fer me.otherwise, i would cry out. the few hundreds gone. and i would get smack by Ron. thank god. he bought it back once again. i miss u boy' hope everythings is fine over UK. miss u once again.

Alright, now look at my bloody puffy eyes.
i didnt had any good slp ever since u return.
all thanks to u.

now, where could u find such beautiful cake in singapore?!!?!! i love each and everyone of it.
btw, i got the whole tray of chocolates the one on top of the red box. and ate it all up in the hotel. shallalaala,this shows why i'm still a fatty bom girl. =))

i'loved this experience so muchie!
i wished when i was up there with my loved'one.
hahaa.

the rainbow speed'boat =))

see! my gucci sunglasss! i'm showing it off.
shalalalaala.

aiight, i shall sign off with a hugeass narcissistic photo of myself.

i'm a contented girl! i'm a diva! BOMB!! *yay*

2006-06-06T17:42:00.000+08:00

dragged once upon a time

some people believe in second chances.
some people believe that letting go of what was not meant to be would be the best thing to do.
some people cry because they are sad.
some people laugh because they find it stupid to cry.
some people need people around when they are weak.
some people likes to be alone because they need to clear their mind.
some people think some things are important.
some people think nothing can hold them down.
some people treasure. some people lost. some people hurt. some people heal. some people learn.
some people always make the mistakes. some people always hurt.
some people always.
if there were second chances.
if there was a time machine.

if there is a reason.i wouldn't have to stay here griefing.on the things i should have never done.

2006-06-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

i thought this was gonna be one of the best things that had to happen to me today, when you first told me it make me smile so hard because there was nothing i could have wanted more than this, and there was nothing that could have made me feel like the luckiest the way is that. but all i ever did was to get too caught up in my own life and to end up taking this chance for granted; and now that there is nothing i can do to change the way things were or will be, it has started to hurt. because you changed me and you taught me how to live and you gave me dreams. because you showed me the kind of person i wanted to grow up to be. because you brought something so big into my life. and because of you i saw what happiness meant. i just so much wanted the time could stop. i grieve in my condition for i cannot find the strength to say i need you so i missed the chance, the chance i said was too far away even though i would still have, never given up this for anything in the world. im sorry, i've missed.

all of the moments that already passed we'll try to go back and make them last all of the things we want each other to be
we never will be
till the next time my dear, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to i hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things from you too.

i hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow and each road leads you where you want to go and if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose i hope you choose the one that means the most to you and if one door opens to another door closed i hope you keep on walking till you find the window if it's cold outside show the world the warmth of your smile but more than anything, more than anything my wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to your dreams stay big your worries stay small you never need to carry me more than you can hold

i hope you never look back but you never forget those laughter all the guys who love you and the place you left i hope you always forgive and you never regret and you help somebody every chance you get oh you find God's grace in every mistake and always give more than you take but more than anything yeah more than anything this is my wish i hope you know somebody loves you more than me may all your dreams stay big

*my wish to you rascal flatts ' bring me an ahmog back from UK.

2006-06-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

if it comes, it will and i will accept it probably make it my last and only.
if it don't, i won't bother looking for it probably i will want to stay like this forever.

happy times never last.
it turns into memories.
pain lies in permanantly till it fades off slowly.

Ill cherish the time you have to offer,
No matter how little or much.
I'll wait for those tender moments,
Until then I'll dream of your touch.

2006-06-01T23:18:00.000+08:00

i was walking like a zombie out of my house at 4am dis morning when da other retards were waiting fer me outside my staircase. luckily i managed to escape from it or else i would have died or something who in da right mind runs at 4am?!!even worst i'm such a pig who needs min 7 hrs of slp while a farewell I guess.
we took blardy long to decided where to eat den waited super long before we got a place to sit and after eternity the food finally came..headed to JB later on.. it was a blast. I really enjoyed myself even though I’m dead shag.
da guys always save da day with their crazy antics and lame jokes plus da farewell cake was yummylicious!!! Secret Receipt cake there is damn cheap pls .delicious.
btw, i went crazy when I sat on alan’s sp. I swear we nearly met an accident. fuck, I was nearly into my grave.
I swear sitting on two wheels is never a good experience.

i wanna go UK with u guys...
i wanna scream...
i wanna play...
i wanna go crazy.insane.

I'll treasure the crossroad that we met,I'll remember the days that we spent,thou' this parting i'll be sad,but forever in my heart you guys would be kept.
Life would never be the same again.

God bless to all my Friends..I really thank God for friends stood by me no matter wat i did...

2006-05-29T10:46:00.000+08:00

MONSTER BREED.

this is a substitute entry.
haaahaz, anywaess, i bought a new phone!~N70! thanks ron fer yr accompany, u made my day :) you must have been wondering what's with the explicity of the smirking angel and the fallen maiden i've told u. in fact, you must be wondering what the fuck is going on in my head.hahahz.

the need to relieve conformity. the need to feel different. these are the more probable reasons that fuel my attraction for life and death. the sense of vulnerability in this world; the lack of convictions in my belief that once tied me to the reins of reality.

the feel of being afloat, the uncomfortable thought of not resting my feet on the ground. i feel weird flying; i'm not used to it.
i should get busy; really busy or i'm not gonna be okay for the rest of my life!.
we all live busy life.

2006-05-26T02:55:00.000+08:00

face yourself, learn to accept the way that i am.
brooding over this sentence for the past few days hours, i did understand myself a little bit better.

now what i know is the superficial level problem, what i need is to go deeper inside, the answers are inside me. somebody else told me, life is not always a bed of roses.

i'm seeking mine happiness in another person, when will i start caring about the person's happiness?
love is never about me, it was you.
thinking why life's always against me.
it's just not the right time.
instead of sulking over things i can't change, i should start appreciating and enjoying the life that i'm having; that's going in my way.

the one thing about myself that i'd always feared to face;cant accept reality which i'm afraid too, to accept not having life going my way, sometimes it scares me just how accurate your word can be, sometimes disbelief.
it's a way to be ignorant,a method to disregard
you always look in the mirror, in the angle that you look best.
it's just scary, how history repeats.
like you know your heart's racing, but you pretend you don't feel it.
you trash your hearing with songs, but it doesn't seem to rhyme with your feelings.
i'm lying to myself, the same way you did.
because i'm scared to know the truth,so i pretended i don't know it.

"For he know the plans he have for me, plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me hope and a future."

2006-05-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

sometimes it's like living a dream which you ought to just direct it a little. take little control of things and move it in your way. life's gonna be great if you just stop pushing yourself so hard. i don't need distractions to keep myself from thinking. i simply stop thinking about it. when on earth do i ever need to be in a relationship to heal my broken heart. i broke this myself, and i shall heal it by myself. do i need someone to fill up my empty days? my days are empty because i want them to be. i want to just laze around doing nothing. it's not because of anyone that i can be happy. i smile and laugh because i feel like it. letting go? there's nothing to let go off because i pick things up and keep them if i want to. i'll put it down when i feel like it. i'm in control and probably you are. sulking, self-pity, distractions. who needs those when you can simply stop it.

yea just stop it. fuck it man, just fuck it all. i'm not fucking okay. i am not fucking alright. fuck it man. just fuck it.

2006-05-22T23:32:00.000+08:00

Reminded myself that it wasn't meant to be,Try to grow from this experience without being bitter,Or allow silly insecurities to cloud my judgement,That robs me of the pleasure of having you in my life,And the dignity to let go and wish you well,I'll try to go foward without looking back,Or questioning.

Maybe u're right afterall. Its time to move on.

For many nights, I find myself wrestling with my feelings.
The truth is, he still holds a special place in my heart. Even up till today.Now that I recall, I cannot find an appropriate word to describe those 35 months spent..i remember u once said "when you try, give it your best" mine repy was truthfuly from my heart "I tried my best.honestly." Now,i dun even bother to to try, cos i'm afraid of reality.
Sometimes, I get quite amazed when I see friends go in and out of relationships so easily.While I struggle so hard to get over.

Lord Jesus Christ hear my cries. He sees through me like glass. He knows my heart's desires. He sees a plan in me. He will accompany me through the darkest valley. He Loves me entirely. When I saw the old people suffer, I ask God "Why don't you take these lovely elderly people back to your Kingdom where you call paradise?"I learn that it is all in God's timing. Even our life, we are not entirely in control of it. We do not even know when we are going to die. In the same way, relationship problems, I am not in control of it myself too.

I will not be Shakened by men. Not even my own blood related Father.He may cripple me but I will stand firm with the Lord. when the time is right, i will baptized.
Mark 2:7 clearly states that only God alone can forgive sin. Not through the church or the priests.
John 14:6 I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Lets put our trust in God's word through the Bible and not men's traditions. God wants us to have a relationship with Him. =)

ilove'my prettys' still

2006-05-17T23:07:00.001+08:00

i am not stranded. but anyhow, i was painfully reminded that i was, yesterday. like a fist clenching my heart when i saw what i saw. when i had to pretend that nothing ever happened. and i had to pretend that it hadn't affected me in any ways, at any times.

no more affection for you, but what is left is the miserable memories of how weak i was. the weakness that love leaves you to be in front of whoever it may be. and for that, i regret.

like dust that i scattered in the winds
like the paper plane that i thrown into the sea.
let us forgive and forget.
you would still have that special place in my heart.*ilu

During courtship, guarding each other's purity is the act of lovemaking.
If one robs you of your sexual purity just for his pleasure, that is selfishness, not Love. Sex does not generate more love in this way.
If you are pure today, I urge you to keep your purity as best as you can for your eventual partner. It is so important. Be responsible.

If you have had a past, all is not lost. The best you can do is to turn over a new leaf and work towards being responsible for your eventual partner. Think of it as your partner can see you at any time and at any place like God. Would she be happy to see you flirting and kissing with another girl? or would she be thinking "Yes! I am the next he is going to kiss after her! he is such a good kisser!" Of course not! Work towards the purity of the heart.

God celebrates Pure sex, with our eventual partners. God made sex so special, it is worth waiting for the day of marriage. Infact, when a husband and a wife revel in and thank God for the gift of sex, they glorify Him.

2006-05-08T19:52:00.000+08:00

shit for you

like of a sudden u feel like its e end of e world n u're nth but a fuckin huge pile of shit compared to others..i dont know why.i feel like im all by myself.everything's on e surface...everything...if only theres someone who truly knows how i feel and would be there to share my sadness..why is it that i have to put on a fake smile on my face all e time.why cant i just have someone by my side just to cry with me,share my sorrows.why do i always have to show that im happy when im not.is it wrong to be upset?i cant fuckin control my feelings.i cant fuckin do it anymore...please.................

..............fuck this world.fuck all e shit tt happened.fuck the fucked up me.fuck everything.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!IM JUST A GOOD FOR NTH GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-15T01:06:00.000+08:00

i can neva find da courage again..
i dun even noe why im sad, why im down, why i cry.
memories stills triggers..

2006-03-12T22:50:00.000+08:00

i noe shouldnt be the one on yr shoulder.but sorry'iam tired.

fairytales would never happen. they wouldnt be called fairytales if they do come true.

i wan guessin games no more.. i wanna lead a simple life!.

2006-03-09T01:09:00.000+08:00

have you ever felt so tired of everything that you just wanna throw everything out of the window..
have you ever felt so disgusted by people who put on a fake smile eventhou she/he hates u to the max?..
have you ever felt so disgusted by yourself, who puts on a fake smile in return, just to try to survive the circumstances..
have you ever felt so drained after a day of shadow playing a jolly character when at the end of the day you return to your room, only to sit in the dark end and cry your heart out..
when was the last time you last stopped by the playground just to watch the stars sparkle in the nightsky..
when was the last time you last slowed down and ask yourself about your directions in life..
when was the last time you last told someone you love him..
when was the last time you last fought to the last bit all in the name of love..
when was the last time you dared to put down all cares and be with the one you know you love but whom you know you shouldnt be with..
when was the last time you question your existence..
when was the last time you laid down your mask and bravely faced the world for who your really are..when was the last time you truly smiled..
when was the last time you could sleep without waking up teary eyed.. when was the last time you could stop wearing that band of yours without having to worry that anyone will see the cuts you inflicted on yourself the night before..
when was the last time you told that person how much he meant to you..
the past still triggers my mind..

2006-02-28T10:00:00.001+08:00

local men prefer 'small' women?

have you ever looked at bachelor guys who attend those singles' party and thought they're desperate fer a partner? have you ever looked with scorn at single men who sign up at match-making agencies to look fer a foreign wife, just because he can't find a local one? have you ever looked at a man who takes a vietnamese, china or even malaysian bride for his wife, and laughed at his loser incapabilities? in our society from as long as time could draw back. getting more serious as the times pass. used to think that situation as mentioned at the top occurs only for the working adults. but perhaps.. not so anymore. youngsters are taking on the evolved kind..
btw, men love bdsm. perhaps you never knew. but thats the sad truth. control-freaks, you may call men. men love submissive women.

probably just as a point of reference for anyone of any sex. in my opinion, what elements when put together, would last in a long relationship.
1) trust.
trust means believing in his character. that in the event of any mishap, you need not ask fer his explanation. you just know the answer.
2) love.
of course, if theres no love, you shouldnt be in this relationship at all. it's all wrong right at the roots.
3) responsibility.
being responsible with one's own actions. knowing when to do what, when not to do what. knowing whats right, knowing whats wrong. knowing the boundaries and limits.
4)telepathy.
well, with a hint and scent of telepathy between the couple would be good. without saying a word, you can speak right to my heart..great uh?
5) looks and appearance.
lets just be honest. looks does matter. was kinda ugly and FAT when i was younger. noone wanted me. learnt to accept the rules of the game. though character does matter, looks too. who would wanna be with a super Friendly Understanding Caring and Kind girl, who looks worse than Abigal Tan? (the small-time actress who had a sex-transplant)
6) patience.
sometimes conflict does occur. and it may take some patience, and a rationale mind to sort things out. a haughty personality takes you nowhere. not in the corporate world, not in a friendship. definitely not in a relationship. perhaps you can try the outterspace.
7) openness.
come on, who else should you be more open to, other than your partner? and yes, talk out your discontents and whatever of him that irks you.
8) maturity.
and that is why your dad and your mom have been scolding you fer having a boyfriend during your secondary school years.and with a sprinkle and sparkle of..
9) humour.
wits, smile, romantic ideas, cheesy lines, cash, car.with some humour in you, you can turn an oncoming calamity into paradise in no time.wits. yes, i meant witty jokes. not jokes like, "why does the chicken cross the road."smiling definitely employs less muscles than frowning.romantic ideas and cheesy lines are quite a must fer a more spicy relationship.cash is for occasional treating of your date to something special.motorcycles are definitely out, cars are in.
10) reads my blog.this shows that you care. duh. haa.

ohya,
Tammy NYP Sex Scandal Video!! haa,i've caught hold of that, all thanks to eldwin.LOL
you guys know that recently, theres this girl Tammy from NYP (nanyang poly), who's phone got stolen? thats not the bad part. the worst part, is that in the phone, there were video clips of she and her boyfriend fucking. yeah. everyone's chasing after the remaining pieces of the sex scandal video.haa,timecheck ;9.49. the video was gross,i was laughing like mad in the middle of the night..
Exams,exmas..kiling me..

2006-02-17T14:50:00.000+08:00

its jus one of those days where

nothin-bad-really-happened-but-you-jus-feel-like-shit.

i wonder why. maybe it was you.

history seems to be repeatin itself again..

i really dread this feeling;dat same sudden trepidation that struck me umpteen times..

i sometimes wonder if..
wad i hear is wrong,
wad i do is wrong,
wad i think is wrong,
how i feel is wrong.

i cant give you da reassurance you need, cuz im not even certain of it myself.
stop tellin me you feel fer me when you obviously dont.
to love othas was neva a strength of mine, but i learnt dat it was necessary to love ppl ard me. not becuz i'd expect othas to love me in return,the same goes to you. i dont blame you. no sorrys pls .

see. dat was my valentines' day. its not always about yourself, but othas. (:

2006-02-09T22:37:00.000+08:00

Comm skills are borin me.
Module exams are addin stress unto me.
Accounts jus demoralised me.
oh anyhowww, sometimes i admire maself fer being able to shake saddenin moments off me so quickly. sheesh. (x
it was God! (:
ModuleExams. im wonderin how am i gonna pass well. i need dat discipline to study. why are first sems alwaes so screwed? grrr.classmates are great! a funny butch thou.

!@#$%@#$%^&

mommy's leaving singapore soon,
dad is flying soon,thou his presense doesnt matter.
but well. im takin all these shit positively. to motivate me to study.
to keep wagin tongues SHUT. zz. *yawns. -.=
anywae,i got my lower right back tribaltatt. done,*finally
phew* btw,its wasn't REALLY painful.. =p
And some of the ink came off last night.. It's STILL sore.
But overall, the results are fetching.
Anyway, I would like to mention the misconception on people thinking that people who have tattoos are "Ah Lians" or "Ah Bengs". Maybe because they refer tattoos as a form of belonging to the gang. Personally, I feel that it's body art and my tattoo doesn't bear any significance to any gangs. It simply represents the way u like to fit in.

____________ know who are you reading about,
if not FUCK THE FUCKING HELL OUT OF YOU, UNDERSTAND!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!...
YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND THAT, OKAY.
ITS MY BLOG,MORON.

2006-01-26T10:16:00.000+08:00

would rather believe in karma.
the devilish art of counter destruction.
wad u do unto others will eventually get to u.
especially the bad stuff.
good stuff u do will never come back to u,so my advice is.*never be nice to people,eventually u will never get it back.
but always, horrible things u do to others, they come back to u so vividly, well i guess i dun hafta explain, guess we shd believe in the same way too.

fly off to work~wooohoooooxx.

2006-01-25T22:37:00.000+08:00

-ppl can treat u well,but u took in fer granted. im not such intolerable person. you tell me off my flaws when you have them youself? i dun give a damn fucking shit. i' so much wanted to scream out my lungs right into yr face,but juz couldnt make maself to do so.*faints
i jus feel dat i cant be bothered fer those shit,i've better things to do,better pals ard me.
My brains have finally rechargedmost of the brain cells in this numbskull of mine, probably infested with mould in friends. I know what I want now, and I am going to work damn bloody hard for it. Just take it as rewarding myself for once.

Okay, i'm digressing.
I shall shut up and go away. Beegeezus.

2006-01-24T20:17:00.000+08:00

firstly, i've to apologise fer not bloggin regularly.. becuz i really dun have da time to do so..
i jus cant tolerate readin a gloomy blog filled with ALL depressed entries.its not dat im being oh-so-freakin-unsympathetic BUT i guess.. surely there are betta things in life to look forward to!! find da prick in your life and move on la!

the world is not jus about her. so why fix your pair of eyes on a door dat was not meant to be opened fer you??WAKE UPPP!! i wouldnt even giva damn even thou if you were ma fren.

2006-01-13T18:52:00.000+08:00

pretty gfs at DXO. :)

was busy fer the past few days.working,planning,driving. *tired but i noe cash is growing.

lousy dae. so much of surpressin tough emotions. so much of veilin them behind ma laughtas and smiles.'

i dun need your kind counsellin, neitha do i need your special attention. jus remember you dun have to be accountable fer how i feel.everythin's said easier than done. i jus knew it was hard fer me to let go da moment.
juz get out of my life neither do i wish to see u again.

thanks mike,fer ya care and concern. deeply appreciate it. i will stay strong. (:

2006-01-07T07:30:00.000+08:00

a brand new yr, 2006. say goodbye to 2005.

uhoooo. :)im so delighted! i got into business marketin. thank God!! X)

kanbatte!X)

got thru those 2 test. which used me nearly 3hrs to complete that whole paper.

the room was like bloody cold.

was like freezing while doin the test.

thank god i pass it.

*phew

was having dinner at 85 wif yuanandting(*mysmellyTITS)haa.

having funny conversation,talking bouts friends too.

wateva it is,i simply love u girls.! thanks fer those clips and gums. ((=

everyone's talkin abt a new yr resolution. but how many can actually follow them? so.. prolly its jus smth redundant? or maybe its jus a wish; wishin fer smth to happen dat prolly wont happen? hah.

*smellytits noes' it uh?haah.

Things running through my veins*2006

`Getting my class3A liscence(drive ard whenever i can)

`Diploma in business managment(stress)

`Handling mummy's shop well

`Healthy me

`California great staff.(u guys are juz great!)

`Save cash fer my degree($20,000)arghhhh.

`Tioman island again

`Sentosa freaks(*call me out fer outings!haa.)

`Friends (IM SHOUTIN TA ALL OF YA TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU GUYS!) ^^

`Happy Family (something which i alwys yearn fer.)

feng zheng xian duan le.. like wad cuzzie once told me: gan qing de shi, bu yong tai zhi zhuo..

you yuan wu fen.

i wouldnt dare to give it a try.bcoz its not me.

2005-11-27T00:08:00.000+08:00

when happiness is based on lies, its too hard to tell the truth.

i tot eatin icecream makes ppl happier? why it no longa works on me..?
till than.

2005-11-23T01:14:00.000+08:00

cuz we lost it all,i cant be perfect.
Nothings gonna change.Nothing gonna be right again.

im numb; i no longa noe how to cry..
holding it on to memories.

2005-11-22T04:39:00.000+08:00

you're sucha disppointment. i thought you were a man of intergrity and impartiality. but you proved it all wrong.speakin like you noe wads goin on when you noe NOTHIN.

no longa da same..im hurt by you. why arent you da same like bfore? why shld i stand your nonsense? why shld i tolerate your temper? why shld i fake a smile when ma heart is frownin? why shld i giggle like im really happy?

can you be a lil more fair to me?

i love ma frens all da same..

2005-11-21T10:48:00.000+08:00

i duno who you are neitha do i dun wish to noe who you are. if this is da way you wanna attract ma attention or its your despicable effort to bring me down, thanks, im sorry if i've offended you in any way or so. da reason why i avoided u is becuz i wanted to avoid unnecessary commotion. why shld i pay attention to an unconstructive and childish comment like yours? i dun even wanna consider wad you've said as a critique, fer a critique is deemed as useful. your comment is yours, so keep it to yourself.

AND BLOODY HELL, STOP ASKING FROM THEM! COME FER ME, YOU MORON.

AND..becuz God, once again, reminded me of how much He loves me..

megumareta shojo..

2005-11-17T09:51:00.000+08:00

WOO! IM BACK BACK BACKKK! missed singapore! ah ah ah. okay i was "home-sick" fer da first 12 days at guangzhow and bangkok.

but still.....i enjoyed maself tremendously! haaha. !!

i'm waiting fer my transit flight,when i had nuttin better to do.laugh.

do we somehow looked alike?.she's moi mom. ((=

sad,i miss my peeps and gfs. :(

i;noe i'm naughty wheni'm at my dad's factory.*evil*grinz

i;noe i lookes *shit, i'm tired okie. when my mummy's so hyper!. haa.

alright, i'm super tired now. i'm feeling like shit.
haaha.
i miss my friends over tier. so glad its onli 12 days!!!!.

haaha.i'm stil happy coz i bought lotsa of stuff!!!!!
cheap and style!*grinz.

i couldn't took so much of it, i bought 4 puma bag fer myself and gfs. tats so much i bought, which i spent 250 bucks of sing.cries. save me lord.

alright, enought of shit.
yest night met up wif ting fer pool. chatted a lot which is alwys full of gossips and rubbish. and also a good catchin up session with her.. hoho.

da place i went to, da songs i heard, jus reminds me of you. loves.

2005-11-05T08:46:00.000+08:00

gonna be away fer holiday from 05th nov -12th nov. take care ppl! (:

2005-10-31T00:44:00.000+08:00

weeeee! im back back back!! :)

oh anyways..i'm too;lazy and busy to blog.
classmates are gettin seemingly interestin.. somehow, im likin ma class more each dayyy.. funny ppl! thankin God fer dat. (: b4 tat jas had a fall on her sweet18th birthday/evilgrinz*keei, everyone saw her and was laughing badly la,darren juz couldn't kept his mouth close!~haaha!
of course i kept laughing too!.hafiz juz so poor thing la.jas kept kicking and punching him*laugh.

went escape to play yest, pretty cool, wif aud,jas and my bro!
haaaaha, we juz had so much fun tier, best of it, entrance FREE! haaaa.
X) kill me la, im jus damn happy now. thankz adam* fer ya spin. ((= *grinz. dun let u smack u again!. tis time its gonna b worst!*warning.LOL

despite dere are things dat makes me sad.

damn. happy banana :)LOL
tues going malaysia!. wif bishan,mayb other classmates,so delighted la,both of us got our pay!!! thurs goin shopping wif bishan again!then, heading to wong's house fer HariRaya! ohhhh.. so glad.!thankz bishan,jingling,jiaxin and eliane fer ya belated birthday gifts~muAkz.
i'll be leaving town soon!.WEEEeeeee, 5-14 ppl,miss me! ((= haaha.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
jus dun like it when ppl dun practise wad they preach.

you tell othas their flaws when you have them youself? yea i mentioned "dun like", not dat i cant accept yourrr critics. im not such intolerable person.

sometimes ppl jus have to think wad they've gotta say.

or maybe, its jus human nature. but i'm alwaes refrainin maself from tellin othas in da face abt this; cuz eventually i'll bcome one of them. and..

DATS WHY IM BLOGGIN! >.<

"only if you're gd enuf, if not say nth."

u finally realised there were cracks.. but dat lil u know.. was dogmatic.
-ppl can treat wad i've blogged jus about as bullshit or words to you dat makesnosense. but ultimately, ma motive is to let ppl ponderrr.. "dun carry an expensive brain wid you la.."-
*FAINTS.

i will miss yr spasticness. bro, do tk care of yourself in NS.

you've broke dat bottle-full of trust; and built a wall btwn us..
ma heart jus ached like nv before.

2005-10-21T11:09:00.000+08:00

freak lahs. im sick and tired of this.

if you wan othas to treat you well, den treat othas well!
if you wan respect, den give othas da respect!

and..
IF YOU DUN WAN PPL TO COPY YOU, DEN STOP COPYIN OTHAS.

get it, morons? like wad i alwaes say, style is abt being different and how well you carry it.

judge yerself before judgin othas.
i have eyes to see fer maself alrites.bodos'

***
went out wid chantel and yuan in de afternoon,
okays, i admit i spent $$ again, i bought a new laptop!. ahaa,acer* preety good, juz so inlove wif it lah.
and guess wat?!!
swing swing seeeeee saw and ma so called 'flings'. LOL. (;
fun! shall update again!

jaaaaa mata! {:

2005-10-19T01:58:00.000+08:00

its hard seein me feelin me emotional in ma entries. often its alwaes things dat're makin ppl laugh, or prolly jus some daily happenins, some precious memories..
somethin diff today? heh.
`i've undergone numerous introspection.. den i will ask; is it not possible fer a guy and a gurl to remain frens even though one dun like de otha party?
its actually a saddenin thing, really. wid frens playin such important role in ma life.. once a gd fren, once ma confidant, ma support, walkin outta picture jus like dat.
`nonetheless, i wanna be single. until i meet *him ; da man God has predestined me to be with. (:
ma God is a miraculous one, da one who hears ma prayers, da one who noes me inside out, da one who noes who's da best fer me. have faith.. Lord, lemme not lose sight of you, hold me tightly.

"its really time fer you to grow up. i had enuf of your clonin-in-progress. i feel terrible talkin to you."
oh im sucha saddist. opps.
i pondered about many things fer da past few days, or maybe i've alwaes been like dat. hah. though im alwaes seen as a happy-go-lucky gurl. but i guess anyone who truly noes me noe dat im a deep thinker. thinkin abt da many things in life. da past, present, future.. one of which is always how God had led me thru.. and da optimism i have towards life. i've nv allowed maself to stagger in self-pity even though, in ppl's eyes, there are copious reasons fer me to do so.

God has been great to me all these while. sometimes i really wonder why i get all da drive and strength despite da constant pressure being exerted on me. family. friends. politics. its not alwaes things dat affect me, but relations. dats why i din mention about studies, or even money.
some things have passed fer so long. yet now, when i come to think abt them again, its like somethin dat had jus happened to me yesterday.
da realism, da palpability..

uncanny.

2005-10-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

guess my sweet 18 is ruin,had my dinner at jack's place wif mum,dad and bro.

alright,they're going fer divorce tml, i would rem this birthday dinner.
oh nvm. :} livin wid ma dad is a real torture at times i must say. hes alwaes right la. he's foreva DAT smart. yea rite smartie pants. for all i noe, ppl like him merely see a fake side of ma dad, dats all!

**i've forgiven him already.i guess he's really sorry.. about wad he'd done. nonetheless, i stil hope and pray dat he'll come back one day. da grief brought upon, da torment, everythin dat has happened, stil din change da fact dat he IS ma dad. i am angry wid you no longer, i hate you no more.i'll prolly miss him. i'm unsure if you really cared about me from da bottom of yer heart, but i wish you'll be doin fine and without us.

thanks fer raisin sucha stubborn daughter like me.
anybody could juz lent me ya shoulder?.
fell flat on bed rite afta wash-up. ):

2005-10-16T04:04:00.000+08:00

so at ard 12+, while doin ma journal.. received all da birthday sms-es. da feelin was so sweet! (:

shugs*_* its 16oct,and WHOLE island is raining like cats and dogs.WTF mann.
firstly,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!guys listen up, i'm offically 18 okie! no more a kid!keei.!
i should hav spent my afternoon at sentosa wif them, but it rain.! arghhhh..in the end, watching vcd. ):
met gfs in the evening,had dinner at PS swensens.
`ting; u bibos, u even work on my birthday!*stamps feet*
`yuan; u're late, so pathatic of u uh?.u wore a white SHOE! oh gosh, i was juz surprise la.haaha.
`chantel; hahaha. yes 1st time celebratin ma bday!!haaha.you betta come out with us da nex time after yr `O's.
thankz gfs fer e taka gift. (:
`jas;would i ever forget you. i think you're da one who forgot all about us when you have a gf! (:
`ping&yun; waiting fer our escape trip on sat!not forgetting my pressie! haha,thanks fer your LOVE.
alright,i'm damm shag now,nuttin comes inside me,such a cold weather, can anyone juz hug me!!-__-

not forgettin many others who wished me a happy birthday thru sms-es, handshakes! i really am so touched by ALL OF YOU! some may have forgot about ma birthday, but its okay! its jus a birthday..
ppl like charles, elson, kor would prolly have to feel guilty! lol. (:
so dats pretty much wrapped up ma day. thanks fer everythin ppl. (:

2005-10-15T22:31:00.000+08:00

http://www.tattong.com/free/ <--- check tis out!. enjoy this music,its beautiful.
alright, todae rawks big time man. we were damn funny and all of us enjoyed it. got lots of pressie from them. i'm loving all.but i think i'll get diabeties soon. chocs and candies. kill me la. but soft candies ARE nice though. yea. (x
hah. earlier durin da day, adam stil msg-ed me and remind me to burn da music into a cd and bring along. WHICH I TOT WAS SO REDUNDANT. and now, i feel so retarded.
well, adam were sayin dat i sound so poor thing when i mention about im not excited about ma birthday.well, actually, its jus dat im NOT excited. not cuz i think dat ppl wont celebrate fer me. i was merely askin WHO mah. zz. /:
`adam-u flirtatious asss, hahah. you stupong. im not a girl with everythin lah! im jus a contented girl with God. (: thanks fer your LOVE k. *lovess
`al-vin; *sunshine headshakes* hahaha. yes 3nd time celebratin ma bday!! *forever da sunshine sher.!* (:
`junyong; eh! ah dai wannabe. hahahha. you're so retarded like duno wad lor. i jus love luffin togetha with you. your laughta is so damn contagious la! lol. thankz fer ya loving demium skirt and all (:
`jen; u rawks bcuz i gotta noe you. thanks fer all de countless effort in alwaes wantin to cheer me up. somehow, i'd feel betta if you yourself could stand up from where you fall.. life isnt a bed of roses, but we're da decision makers of our own life. be wise. (: *lovess
`alan;u mastermind!i feel like slappin you fer so many "lub euu"s written on da present!! you dumb asssss. haaha*grinz.i was so irritated by u dat i stuffed a whole spoonful of icecream into yr big mouth when i was gettin ready to leave da place. -___-"but jen said u took advantage and tried to touch ma hand instead!*piang.
`con; ahaha. you smelly. your compliements also nv fail to make ma day. you're jus so funnehh lah. wont ever forget da lift incident. *slaps forehead*thankz fer ya treat!will miss all your crapiness!
`jason; i lost track of how our friendship actually came to how it is today, thanks fer ya*iloveyou* msg anywae.
`jeff; okay, i duno where u came from. but who cares as long as you're in ma heart?and your poor princess me, is missin out all her paternal love. hahaha. tk good care of yourself in army hor! (: aye thanks fer everythin todae.ilike every gift of yrs.!
`jodin; hahaha. you dumb bear with no neck! now got golden arrowana hor! happy fer you lah.but dun u eva forget me!~_~lol.
`ron; ma dearest, ahh! i miss you lah.so glad u were there, words jus cant express how i feel towards this special frenship dat blossomed in sucha special way! (: though we seldom meetup, but somehow, i noe you'll alwaes be there fer me if i ever need you! i do hope dat is vice-versa! love you to bits too. heh.thanks fer ya choker and those cool handwear,i'mlovingall*
`linggie; hello! yes ma kichad. we've overcomed all odds. and yes, im touched. i wanted so much to hug all of you tooo. but.. er. haha. U*smacks my butt*blush*haaha!
now let me personally thank these ppl who caredd..all the pressie i recieved todae, i loveee all of you!
`zhixian; i still miss u as b4. (:

looking forward on my actual 18th birthday tml!.
gfS, i simply miss u girls.*wriggles*
mummy will be back from overseas tonight,*grinz.
i miss u mom!.

i'mbusy wif - let me name them`mic`aud`shiyi`
shhhhh.. let me blog first, laugh.
thanks guys~after somuch we've been though u girls juz rock my life in ite.
not forgetting beloved bishan,jas,soul sis*jiaxin,jingling,lane,not forgetting kayne.
ihave so much love ard me.thank god fer tat.

2005-10-14T20:29:00.000+08:00

birthday. fer da first time, im not gettin excited over it. whyyy. WHO WHO WHO will celebrate wid me! ): well,juz recieve a msg from mic,make myself free at 6 tml,will b seeing me at 7?!. oh manns, wondering wat are they up too? ;( wanna drown me in pool?. nah,against the law,which is so impossible, laUgh.

girlfriends? admirers? (HAHAH. im jokin about da last one mentioned. i dun have any.)

): make me more excited lehhh, can?

2005-10-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

are ite frens meant to be superficial? *shrugs.

i dun mean you cant find real frens in ite though. jus dat some frens whom you thought gets along very well wif you might not be hangin ard you fer very long.

toshite? /:

prolly cuz you always meet new frens along da way; many acquaintances, but few ppl whom i really call frens.

2005-09-23T03:39:00.000+08:00

ppl can ask me again and again why im not attached and stuff;
i dun seek fer short-term lust. get it?looks will fade; and i noe wad i see will delude me.but i'll pray..

i wanna man who loves God
i wanna man who noes what love is
i wanna man who noes how to love
i wanna man who serves ppl
i wanna man wid charisma who attracts me
i wanna man wid humour

gf: i will pray fer you, dat God adds strength upon you and yur family. i alwaes believeee. if God brings you to it, He'll bring you thru it! (:

2004-06-20T18:18:00.000+08:00

The keeper of the gates of wisdom
Please let me in
Cause I just can't go through
Another heartache again
Pretty lies and alibis
How could I be so blind?
Now I'm all alone and scared to stay
Slowly going out of my mind

He was my strongest weakness
I surrendered heart and soul
It's gonna be a long, long time
'Til I regain control
I'm still a prisoner
Held captive by his memory
He was my strongest weakness
And I'm afraid he'lll always be

I gave my faithful heart to someone
I couldn't understand
How he held my little world
In the palm of his hand
Now he's gone and life goes on
So if this pain will ever end
Will I be afraid to risk it all
Ever fall in love again?